Solid Block of Ise

There’s a lot of nutcases on the internet, and I just found one that made me laugh. I found this entry about the Songjiang Hotel being constructed in a former quarry. Down in the comments I found this gem from a mr “Michael J. Schmitz” who proclaimed that

LAST FALL WHEN I INVENTED THE TSUNAMI DESTROYER, MY EXPERIMENTS FOUND THE BEGINNING OF THE GLOBAL WARMING SOLUTION. http://www.inventube.com/blog/view/59/thetsunamidestroyer ON FEB 2/2008 I FOUND THE FULL SOLUTION TO DELETE GLOBAL WARMING NATURALLY. THEIRS A NATURAL MINERAL THAT HAS TO BE EXTRACTED AND PLACED IN QUANITY IN CERTAIN LOCATIONS AROUND THE PLANET FOR NATURE TO RETURN TO NORMAL. IF YOU CHECK service@stumbleupon.com AND CHECK MY BLOG UNDER ooofox YOU’LL SEE THE FIRST STEP TO LOWERING THE OCEANS TO OPEN UP CERTAIN AREAS FOR PLACING THE EXTRACTED MINERAL FROM 12 SPECIFIC COUNTRIES. IT DEPENDS ON ALL COASTAL NATIONS IF YOU WANT TO DELETE GLOBAL WARMING AND IT WILL ALSO DEPEND ON THE 12 SPECIFIC COUNTRIES TO GIVE THEIR AUTHORIZATIONS. IT WILL ALSO TAKE ALOT OF MONEY.

I chuckled a bit at it and then decided to see what Google turned up about this character. It didn’t really turn up anything of substance, except for more equally lunatic comments on various blogs and news-postings.

He posted this on another blog

I HAVE FOUND A WAY TO SOLVE GLOBAL WARMING, SO THAT AT THE END OF MY PLAN NATURE WILL RETURN TO NORMAL. I’M ALSO A DISASTER SOLUTIONIST= I SOLVE DISASTERS. I HAVE PROVEN SOLUTIONS FOR FIRE, FLOODS, FRESH WATER. I’M IN A PROCESS OF SOLVING EARTHQUAKES FOR DRY LAND. I ALSO HAVE A EXPERIMENT THAT CAN WITH STAND HEAT, COLD, COLLISION AND IF I USED IT TO BUILD A HOUSE, IT WOULD ONLY COST ME $5,000.00. I PLAN TO SELL MY DISASTER PLANS FOR $35,000.00 SO THAT EVERYONE WILL BE ABLE TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM THESE ABNORMAL DISASTERS, ALSO THE MONEY IS FOR GLOBAL WARMING. I NEED 12 COUNTRIES OF MY CHOICE WITH THEIR PERMISSION TO USE THEIR LAND FOR THIS PROJECT. IN RETURN EACH COUNTRY WILL RECIEVE EXTRA DRY PROPERTY TO EXPAND THEIR COUNTRY (ON COAST ONLY) I WILL HIRE THEIR PEOPLE, TRAIN ETC. TO HELP THEIR ECONOMY. FRESH WATER FOR 100 YEARS, MORE ABUNDANT FOOD AVAILABLE AND NORMAL NATURE BACK ON COURSE. MY GOAL IN LIFE IS SOLVING AND INVENTING MY NAME IS M.J.SCHMITZ 22001 125TH.ST.E. BONNEYLAKE, WASHINGTON STATE 98391 USA. IF INTERESTED IN BUYING MY DISASTER PLANS AND HELPING TO AFFORD TO SOLVE GLOBAL WARMING. THANK YOU.

When the blog-owner let the comment stay, remarking that it was hilarious spam, mr Michael J. Schmitz proved that he actually was a person and not a bot by replying:

ONLY SPAM I HAVE IS FOOD THAT COMES IN A CAN= SQUARE CAN. MY BLOG IS TRUE I HAVE FOUND A WAY TO DELETE GLOBAL WARMING. YEARS AGO I WAS LOOKING FOR A WAY TO DESTROY TORNADOS, BUT THEY WERE TOO ELUSIVE SO I PUT IT ON HURRICANES INFACT== A SCOOP FOR YOU AND I MAY STILL HAVE THE PAPERWORK. IN THE YEAR 2000 I SENT ALL GOVERNORS A PROPOSITION TO STOP HURRICANES FROM TOUCHING LAND FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS FROM TEXAS TO CONNICUTT. THEY IGNORED IT INCLUDING THE TEXAS AND FLORIDA GOV.’S BUSH’S. LOUISIANNA GOVERNOR CUSSED ME OUT ON THE PHONE FOR TRYING TO CHARGE HIM A MILLION TO SAVE HIS PEOPLE BEING THAT HIS STATE IS 3 FEET BELOW SEA-LEVEL.= ALL IS TRUE.

This guy makes MegaHAL sound like an Oxford graduate. Absolutely hilarious.

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