Solid Block of Ise

Or: My Lovesong For A Fork.

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a long time, but never quite got the grasp I needed around it. Plus, when I originally envisioned writing it I was still blogging in Swedish, and Swedish lacked the proper fullness to fully convey what I wanted to write about. Also, I really don’t know what the swedish equivalent to “over-engineered” would be. Probably something less elegant.

So, let’s continue.

Over-engineering. How do you define it? I did a search on Google but most of the websites listed there referenced it as something that’s been overdone, something that’s been designed to death. That’s not the term I associate with over-engineering.

Over-engineering to me is when something is just so much better than it has to be, so much better that regardless of what the item in question is you just have to stop and appreciate the beauty of it. Not only does it function better than expected, it’s more reliable and just perfected in a sense that’s difficult to describe.

A real-world example of this is classic Mercedes-Benz cars. Each detail on them is just simply better than need to be. A doorlatch will work thirty years later, and not look worn down. In the ’80s Mercedes discovered that this was rather costly, and that they could get away with not over-engineering their car to the same extent any longer.

Now, I’m not saying that modern Benzes are crap. They’re not. They’re very nice cars. They just don’t have that perfection to them that older Benzes have. A friend of mine once owned a vintage Benz, built from parts collected from two other Mercs. It was a thing of beauty in it’s pure function. Everything in it felt solid, everything in it oozed quality despite being 30+ years old and not properly maintained. Doors closed like the should.

Over-engineered items are a rare commodity today. Most companies only produce their goods as good as minimum needed. Sure, there’s a lot of quality merchandise out there, but the really nice over-engineered items are few and far between. Most consumer electronics for example are designed with a built-in obsolescence. Despite my generally favorable opinion to Apple-products I’m of the opinion that The Steve insists on this, since it’s more profitable for the company. Several other companies do this as well. Over-engineering is just not good for a companys margins, since it’s never in the best interest to manufacture things that last long.

Over-engineering isn’t cheap. If you want stuff that really lasts, just look at the requirements that militaries all over the world put on their equipment. There’s a good reason why pretty much anything in the army costs a lot - it’s been designed to take a beating for several years.

A good example of over-engineering in the military field is the Humvee. You know, that big clunker of a car that the US Army roams around in, and which you can buy in a civilian version for a silly amount of cash. I’ve heard about Humvees that are 10-15 years old and who have never seen any service except for a regular change of oil and gaskets, despite working in some of the most demanding applications a wheeled vehicle can be expected to do. I’ve heard of civilian Hummer-owners who put their own vehicles through the paces, and rarely do anything but refill oil and replace worn-out tires.

Over-engineering is almost a thing of beauty, especially when it’s a simple item that’s been so perfectly engineered. A Humvee is impressive, but it’s a complex machine and will eventually wear out no matter how much (or how little) maintenance it receives.

Which brings us to the heart of this posting. There is at least one item that’s so brilliantly engineered it will last practically forever.

I present you with:

Yup. This is a fork. But it’s also an awesome thing and a beautiful example of a simple thing that’s just Too Darn Good.

This is a swedish militar-fork. It’s a standard piece of equipment in any backpack carried by a soldier in the Swedish army. It’s made of stainless steel, is a rather heavy utility, and it’s practically impossible to destroy.

My particular fork was found in a drawer containing old cutlery at my parents place. I estimate that this fork is at least twenty or thirty years old, yet looks almost like new. The only tell-tale signs of age is that it has myriads of microscopic scratches almost invisible to the naked eye. In this photo they for some reason are clearly visible. Also, please excuse the poor photo. My digital camera got quite confused by all the stainless steel and messed up the white-balance.

So, why is this such a great example of over-engineering? First off, like I mentioned it’s virtually indestructible. I assume that the only thing capable of destroying this fork is a volcano or possibly throwing it into the sun. Or something.

You can’t bend it, I’ve tried. Maybe if you use something like a five-ton hydraulic press you can bend it, but with plain muscle-power it won’t budge a millimeter. It’s a bit heavier than a normal fork, but normal forks won’t withstand the abuse this one has and will take. The prongs are as sharp as when it was new, and you want to be careful not to chop yourself with this one. It’s really, really sharp. Have I sharpened it? Nope, never. I’ve just tossed it in the cutlery-drawer and used it as often as I can.

You can’t buy these forks in stores either. I’ve never seen them for sale anywhere, even though maybe at one time they were sold in surplus-military stores. I don’t know. As far as I know the only way of acquiring these forks is to do time in the Swedish army and then covertly stealing them with you when you leave.

In a pinch it can probably be used for anything required. I know of people in the army who use these to open canned goods. They simple use the fork to chop a hole in the can, then pry it open. I can imagine mechanics using it for some purpose. Perhaps when you run out of bullets and have lost your bayonet somewhere this fork can be used to stab someone in the kneecap? The possibilities are endless.

All thanks to some dude who took his fork-designing duty way too seriously.

I’m having a hard time thinking up things that are sold today that come even close to demonstrating the same durability and timelessness as this humble fork. In forty years, it will probably be just as usable as now. Even if the future is some kind of lawless Mad Max-dystopia this fork will still be useful as either an eating-utensil or an eye-stabber. Probably both, but hopefully not at the same time.

UPDATE: To give you all an idea of how durable and sharp this fork is, I’m going to tell you about this one time I was eating a particularly tough piece of meat. While I was trying to saw through this leathery piece of food I used that very fork to keep it still. Unfortunately, the plate I was eating on wasn’t up to requirement and shattered when the fork was pushed down in an attempt to keep the beef still. I was really frustrated with the stubborn piece of meat and didn’t discover the plate had cracked until I realized that the fork was lodged in the wooden table beneath, pinning the piece of meat along with it.

License

This work is published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Sweden License.