The Mist

Action/Horror/Scifi/Drama starring among others Thomas Jane and Marcia Gay Harden.

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A strange storm descends on a small village in the northeastern USA. Immediately afterwards a thick mist envelops the town and traps a number of citizens inside a supermarket. Strange noises are heard from the mist, and people venturing into it are brutally killed. It’s discovered that strange creatures roam inside the mist, and a stand has to be made inside the supermarket by the survivors…

—

At first this movie seems like a very cheap knock-off of the old John Carpenter-classic The Fog. Even the title alludes to it, and it shares a lot of obvious themes with it’s predecessor. After a while it changes, and you start to assume that this will be a cheap monster-movie full of standard scares.

And that’s exactly what it is. At least at first glances.

Because, after a while the monsters become simply a backdrop to the madness that humans produce all by themselves. The movie changes gears, changes tempo, changes focus and instead become a surprisingly disturbing account of the darker nature hidden within humans. When the order around people are shattered, so is the illusion of civilization. The characters in the movie revert to a much more primitive and less coherent state of mind.

Up until that change in pace and focus I was rather bored by the whole thing. I even rolled my eyes at some of the typical Stephen King-stereotypes (since this movie is based on a novella by him) that are common both in his writings and even more so in movies based on his works.

But after the change, it became a fascinating and rather scary insight into the abyss of the human soul. Several themes work parallel to each other, but the most obvious theme is Rationality vs Religion. The rationality is represented by a continuously diminishing group of people led by David Drayton (Jane) and the Religion contingent is led by the impressively deranged Mrs. Carmody, (Harden). She is certain that the mist and it’s denizens are the wrath of god, and her unstable mentality gets the better of both her and the people she preaches to.

All during this disaster of the soul I sat thinking, wondering how Frank Darabont (the director) would wrap this all up. Would he go for a cheery Hollywood-ending where everything thanks to some Deus Ex Machina just goes away? Or, would he go for the horrible ending that was implied several times through the movie?

I don’t want to spoil this for people, but he did both of those things. The ending is horrible, not because it’s bad but because it’s a cruel and evil fate that befalls those who is damned under it. It’s beautifully gut-wrenching, and I can safely say that anyone who isn’t depressed by it must lack all forms of emotion. It’s the bleakest ending since Leaving Las Vegas.

Strongly recommended.

Being depressed and having to look inside yourself is a painful and often difficult process. It’s a bit like surgery on the soul - something that is painful but beneficial in the long run. In the best case, the pain is very small compared to the healing after the procedure itself.

This process of analyzing oneself is none the less interesting. I feel about my own process that I’m being almost reborn. Rediscovering who you really are, who you really feel like is I guess kind of similar to that. Depression dampens your soul, your spirit and your life. It’s like always wearing a wet blanket. Heavy and damp it’s always there.

So, when you finally start managing to get a grip on that blanket and find ways to remove it, you also discover that maybe you weren’t the same person coming out of it as you were going into it. Pain changes a person, whether to the better or worse is really a matter of perspective. Regardless the re-discovery of that person is a voyage both exciting and painful.

I know that if the person I am now could meet with the person I was ten years ago it’s very doubtful that they would get along. Ten years ago I was naive, maybe a little too shielded, and far too sure of myself. Then again, even though I now have shed most of that naivety I have also become cynical and bitter in the process. Too much of either isn’t good.

Wow, I’m rambling.

What I’m trying to build up to is what the topic is about. Accepting help, and how to do it.

The only thing I’m worse at than accepting help is asking for it. I don’t know the roots of this, maybe it’s a society that encourages self-reliance, and maybe it’s also the depression killing my trust in other humans. Trying to figure out why I do it would keep an army of people occupied for the rest of time.

Ever hear of that saying, “no man is an island”? Well, for many years I considered myself to be an island. Of course my own island traded with other islands, but I always kept to myself, trying to pride myself on my self-containment and self-reliance. What flummoxed me was why this never worked. After a while it dawned on me that I needed other people to be a person myself. I was fencing other people out, becoming incapable om emotional attachment and always preparing for the worst.

In short, I needed to ask for help when I needed it and realize that accepting that help didn’t mean I was weak or incapable of living my life. I needed to stop thinking of my life as islands, and think of it as a unity, a patchwork between people helping each other. Friends or family or complete strangers shouldn’t really matter - helping your fellow man or woman should be a natural thing. This later became the foundation of my humanist viewpoint.

But it’s still difficult for me to accept help, and ask for it. Sure, I’ve gotten better at it, but it’s still a work in progress. Combine this with my lack of expressing my thoughts in verbal communication and I feel that maybe people who help me don’t always realize how grateful I am for that help. I’m an introverted personality, and tend to grunt and mumble a lot. This does not, however, mean that I’m ungrateful. It just means I’m a caveman when it comes to verbal communication.

So, let me give a little clumsy but honest advice to anyone who thinks that he or she is an island: just don’t do it. You’re not an island. Instead maybe give people a chance to come close to you. Sure, it’ll hurt sometimes, but when you find a true friend that you can depend on it’ll be worth it. Know that this person is someone who will help you, and who you in return will want to help. In whatever way may be possible. It might be something as big as helping you move house. It might be something small. Regardless, it will be something valuable to you.

When I slept last night I had a dream. Towards the end of my sleep-cycle I had this disturbing dream that’s been haunting me all day.

It was a dream of ending, of destruction and violence. It was a dream about death.

It wasn’t a nightmare, since I almost never have those. I’m almost always aware of my dreams, and thus they seldom frighten me in the sense that nightmares do.

But this dream, even though it wasn’t a nightmare, was disturbing.

In it, the end of the world had come. Society had collapsed, and I roamed around the wintery darkness of a northern Sweden desolate and isolated. It was as dark as the arctic night could manage, and there were no lamps to scare it away. Houses were ruined, burned-out shells that once sheltered families. Even the winter itself was harsh and dark, not the beautiful expanses of snow that one usually associate the arctic winter with.

I saw my parents house. Like every other house it was a ruin, burned walls and wrecked memories. Long abandoned, the ruin was covered with frost. I knew this place was dangerous, and my companion –who suddenly appeared in my dream, creating that absolute continuity that every dream always has– knew this as well and drew his sidearm. Or her sidearm. I never found out the gender, the face hidden behind a mask of some kind.

Then suddenly, my dream switched to a flashback, and I found myself standing on my parents lawn, handing out automatic weapons to strangers. I realized we were getting ready to defend ourselves against some unknown threat, and I started handing out weapons faster. I didn’t know who or what the enemy was, but I knew there would be very few survivors.

Equally abrupt I realized that everyone I was handing out guns to was a child. No one was older than maybe 8 or 9 years. They cradled their gun with a desperate resolute I wished I’d never seen in the eyes of a child. They aimed their guns at an invisible enemy, reminding me of child-soldiers in Africa. In a way I guessed they were the same thing - the sandy deserts and humid jungles replaced with the arctic cold and silence of the north.

My flashback ended at the same time the children opened fire. I stood looking at the ruins of my parents house, amazed at the trees which had fallen into the ruins, connecting it with the husk of the garage in a bizarre kind of way.

Then something roared. Or actually, the sound was more like a lions roar combined with a sound of some kind of engine. In the upper harmonics a high-pitched squeal could be heard, like a pig screaming in fear. My companion turned and opened fire at something I couldn’t see. I felt a sharp pain in my back and knew that I would be dead soon.

Then everything went dark.

After that, I woke up.

This is just me needing a place to vent about two dumb things. Don’t worry, I’ve got something more philosophical lined up and ready to write about, but in the meantime I need to let off steam about two things.

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The first dumb thing isn’t a thing, but a man. That man is named Anders Wahlberg and is in charge of IT in Hörby municipality here in Sweden. He recently got named CIO of the Month, and pretty much immediately after having been interviewed several commenters raised the issue that Hörby is exclusively Microsoft-dominated and also that Microsoft sits on the committee that decides on this matter. Many found this rather interesting, also considering that for some reason Hörby has been actively testing new and unreleased Microsoft-software, among them the new Windows Server 2008.

He responded to the criticisms. Or well, first he said that the comments were stupid and that he wouldn’t respond to stupid comments, then he responded anyway. One of the chief criticisms was why Hörby hadn’t invested in Open Source rather than proprietary software. Anders responded that:

Working with IT in a municipality is about finding systems to manage sensitive information, such as patient-journals and information about students in schools. It’s not a game, you can’t rely on open source alone. So we had to choose between Novell and Microsoft. We chose Microsoft.

(Translated by me)

He further goes on saying that the tesing of Windows Server 2008 was because he wanted to keep his IT-crew on their toes, and made some sweeping claim about them always being interested in new software and always ready for a challenge.

Allow me to retort.

First off: not only CAN you rely on open-source alone - you SHOULD rely on open-source alone. Free/Open Source Software might look like a toy because of it’s perceived lack of monetary value and percieved lack of accountability. Many naive persons believe that since there’s no company behind it, there’s no responsibility for the software. This is an illusion that Microsoft is very happy to propagate and nourish. In the real world, Microsoft themselves is very quick to not give you any help at all, unless you have a very, very expensive service contract with them in which case they will jerk you around unnecessarily long and then give you no help at all.

FOSS is accountable. It’s completely transparent and verifiable, as well as modifiable to better suit your needs. There are no guarantees about what goes on behind the pretty Vista-facade, or what happens behind the scenes in your Windows Server 2008. It’s my firm opinion that government counties should invest in Free Software rather than closed, proprietary software. It will save them headache in the long run, and end this stupid tradition of giving money to Microsoft.

Secondly, I’ve known a lot of sysadmins in my days, and if there is one thing they don’t like it’s getting new stuff dumped in their lap and expected to play around with it. Sysadmins are by nature conservative and believe that if things aren’t broken there’s no need to fix it; this goes double in the UNIX/Linux-community. Only the most naive, freshly-baked MCSE will still be willing to play around with new software.

Sysadmins are always overworked and under-equipped. They rarely have the time, interest or motivation to play around with new things when they already devote most of their waking time making sure that the ship doesn’t all of a sudden spring a leak and sink without a trace. Even when they sleep, they often dream of datacenters going down in flames because they weren’t there to make sure the fecal matter didn’t hit the oscillating unit. I imagine that admins in datacenters based on Windows sleep even less and are even more neurotic, since Windows by nature require several times more cuddling with in an Enterprise-environment.

So Anders, I’m completely convinced that you’re just another Microsoft-podperson and I take no stock in anything you say.

—

The second dumb thing actually is a thing. It’s the new phone from SonyEricsson, called the T303. I don’t know if it’s been released yet (and I really don’t care either way) but after reading the specs for the thing it just seems very retarded.

I mean, who in the blue blazes comes up with the great idea to make a phone WITH NO MEMORY and then slap a camera and MP3-player into it and market those two as “features”. Well, alright, the phone has memory - 8 megabytes. With no slot to add flash-memory to it. So those 8MB are what you’re stuck with, and that’s expected to not only hold stuff needed by the phone (such as contacts, phone numbers, ringtones) but also whatever you photograph with the 1.3mpix camera and music you want to listen to.

To quote Ellen Ripley: “Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?”

I love movies. It’s a passion bordering on obsession. Some movies I hold very close to my heart, such as Blade Runner. Sadly though, I’m a lot more disillusioned with the industry behind movies than I used to be. These days I hold a pretty cynical opinion of the so-called “entertainment industry” and I understand why Philip K. Dick was so opposed to letting his novel become a movie…

None the less, there are some movies that I’m looking forward to.

The first one is Horton Hears a Who, based on the childrens-book by the same name. Authored by Dr. Seuss. It’s rare in Sweden to come across pretty much anyone who knows who the heck Dr. Seuss was, much less has actually read any of his brilliant books. I understand though why they probably didn’t gain much attention outside of the US of A, since the language in them provides quite a challenge to translate.

I, on the other hand, grew up in a bilingual, bicultural (is that even a word?) home and Dr. Seuss’ books are a staple of my childhood. Green eggs and ham, sam I am, the whole nine yards. I think that Horton was included somewhere in the mess of books, and even as an adult I get a kick out of reading them. I guess it’s my inner child making itself heard, or something. None the less, they’re filled to the brim with whacky wordings and equally nonsensical drawings. In hindsight it was obvious that the only medium that could translate the controlled madness of Dr. Seuss was of course animation, and here is where computer-animation truly shines. Sure, The Grinch was a valiant attempt to make a live-action version, but it lacked the substance and wild-eyed giggle of the book. Plus, it stripped away the originals subtle criticism of capitalism and replaced it with sugary hollywoodness.

I hope this will keep the spirit of the original material. At the very least it will provide a very interesting visual experience.

Number two is the latest offering from one M. Night Shyamalan. You know, the director/writer behind movies such as The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village? He’s pretty secretive about his projects, but it’s been revealed that his latest film is called simply The Happening. The trailer seems interesting, and you can bet your sweet patootie that there will be a twist ending to this one.

The next one is Kung Fu Panda. It’s a computer-animated movie featuring Jack Black as a Panda who somehow is involved with, well, Kung Fu. The trailer is light on substance as to what the actual story may be — it loooks a lot more like some kind of teaser. Animation looks funny though, and you gotta love a movie that dares to have the tagline “Prepare For Awesomeness”.

Four on my list is JJ Abrams restart of the somewhat tired Star Trek-franchise. As of yet there’s very, very little details about what it will be about, but it has been confirmed that it will be the TOS-crew and one of their early missions that will provide the substance for this one. That means Spock, Kirk, Scotty and the rest will be featured, but in very young incarnations predating the original series run in the timeline of Trek.

I grew a bit tired of Star Trek after the previous one (Nemesis) that was the last movie featuring the TNG-cast. I wondered how they would manage to make another movie after that one, considering that even hardcore fans weren’t too happy with the floundering Enterprise. However, I do approve of using the TOS-concept as a base for a new movie, and the teaser sure sets the scene well for this one. Won’t be out for at least a year though.

Number five is a movie called Doomsday. It has a plotline that just screams to be love by me. It involves Scotland being contaminated with some kind of mutated disease, and getting literally built into a prison for whoever live there in order to prevent this plague from spreading. 25 years later the plague is discovered outside of Scotland, and a merry crew of adventurers must venture inside the iron gates to find a cure inside of Scotland.

The trailer looks a lot like Resident Evil combined with Mad Max. I’m a huge sucker for post-apocalyptic movies, and this one tickles my funny-bone in a big way. The Mad Max-movies are easily among my favorites of all time, and Doomsday looks promising.

Last but not least is the new Indiana Jones-flick. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, premieres in May. Last time we saw Indy was in 1989. Well, actually I didn’t see it since I was 11 years old then, but that’s when he was chasing the last crusade. This time Indy is back, aged quite a bit and teamed up with Shia LaBeouf who seems to have stolen Martys leather-jacket from the second Back to The Future. Looks like good, clean old-fashione matiné-style fun. Hopefully Spielberg and Lucas doesn’t frell it up too badly.

Yeah, the topic pretty much says it all. I think a lot. My brain is rarely quiet. Unless pre-occupied with something needing immediate attention it tends to fall back on common, heavy and almost unanswerable topics.

Most of these topics can roughly be categorized either as “What’s Wrong With The World Today?” or “What’s Wrong With Me?”

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Let me give you an example of a subject falling under the World-category that I think a lot about these days: Television. Karl Marx once said that religion is the opiate of the masses. Now, I totally agree with this –”religion” is also one of the many subtopics of the World-category that I think about– but I also think that technology that emerged in the mid-20th century has given us another opiate with which to dull our senses: Television.

When television started receiving wide commercialization and globalization in the 1970’s and 1980’s people (mostly parents) were worried that this thing would corrupt the minds of the young ones. Personally I think that television of that era is incredibly naive and innocent compared to the multiheaded dragon we have today, but none the less it was the seed for the abomination that now blares from millions of boob-tubes around the world.

Over the last two years or so I’ve become almost convinced that television is one of the pillars of what’s keeping humankind from evolving. Television of the early 21st century has become a drug, something to dull our senses so we stay docile and keep consuming. Television is the medium used to subdue people, keep them from asking questions, questioning authority and generally making a nuisance of themselves.

I don’t like using the word “conspiracy” because that word has become associated with nutters and people wearing tinfoil-hats to keep the rays out, but in a way television has become a conspiracy. A de-facto conspiracy, if you will. A conspiracy where we are bombarded with commercials, braindead “reality”-series promoting the lowest common denominators, celebrity gossip, sitcoms, generic humor, generic sadness, generic genericness. Everything fabricated and disguised as entertainment. Homogenated into a weird painting almost resembling reality but not containing one single ounce of it.

This conspiracy extends to some extent to the Internet. The numbing continues here. Look at blogs, for example. Most of the worlds most popular blogs continue the trend of television. Celebrity gossip, fashion, makeup. Admittedly this is medication that netizens themselves fabricate for themselves, but I think that we’re so fond of it simply because we’ve (and by we I mean you and me, the regular joe) been conditioned to think that it’s important. Since we believe it’s important we continue the indoctrination over onto a medium that isn’t controlled by higher-ups, and this in turn slowly corrupts this fabulous new medium after a while.

Everyone is expected to watch television. Unless you follow whatever current nonsense is being broadcast, you’re shunned by the rest of the tribe. If you don’t even own a television you’re considered a freak, an outcast, someone not to be trusted. I have a friend who a few years back tossed out his television due to lack of interest. When the swedish agency that registers ownership of televisions (yes, we have one of those) called him and asked if he’d registered ownership he of course replied that he didn’t own a television. Essentially they then treated him as a liar and a cheat.

Essentially that’s how my thoughts on television go. On and on I think about subjects like that, trying to deduce what they bring or take from our society.

—

Another thing currently rolling through my head is the topic of “therapy”, probably best categorized under the “What’s Wrong With Me?” As any regular reader knows I suffer from anxiety-related depression and am currently taking medication to combat this. A few years ago I regularly attended therapy and it helped me a bit, but after a while I felt that I was only rehashing the same old things without making any progress, and slowly started reducing the amount of therapy I exposed myself to.

Therapy is a funny word. Really, it’s just a fancy word for talking. There are of course various forms of therapy, with therapists focusing on different methods of making the subject themselves realize things. I think that being a therapist is kind of similar to wrestling smoke - if you manage to get a grip you’re really, really good, but getting there is slow and difficult progress.

But in it’s most basic form therapy is simply talking about the things that make you hurt inside. And this makes me wonder; have we lost so much of our ability to communicate with each other that we have to designate certain individuals and certify them simply in order to be able to talk to them about how we feel?

Isn’t it kinda weird when you think about it? We have SPECIAL PEOPLE that we talk to. Any alien species coming to earth would probably be thoroughly confused by the concept. After realizing what purpose it served it would then assume that we’re a very primitive species who lack the skills to communicate with each other, and thus have to educate people to do it for us.

Because, that’s what I think one part of therapy boils down to. Communication. Have we become so distanced from ourselves that we’ve deprecated the most basic of our requirements? Because that’s what I view communication as - a requirement. Requirement not only to feel good about issues that trouble ourselves, but also sharing issues that trouble others.

Usually we talk to close friends, parents, relatives, sometimes even complete strangers. But maybe we’re losing that capability? I know I’m not good at it myself, being a very introverted individual when it comes to confrontational and direct communication.

Therapy is also about finding what works for YOU, the individual in need of help. In my case, my blog has over the years become the best therapy for me.

—

There, I hope that wasn’t too scary.

The relationship has ended.

I feel like handmade shit.

Unless I bring it up, I don’t want to talk about it.