Solid Block of Ise

(For those of you who don’t know what COOP is, it’s a large chain of grocery-stores here in Sweden. It’s a “cooperatively owned corporation” and it’s the place where a large number of swedes - including myself - buy most of their groceries)

Dear COOP.

Once again I found myself strolling down your aisles. Today was no different than any other day - I was hungry and my stock was running low. So I bought what I needed and then headed home. During my bikeride home my frustration over a few things of your otherwise quite decent establishment grew inside my head, and now I need to ventilate.

I should point out that when I don’t bitch and moan about your existence I actually do find you quite acceptable. But as with pretty much everything today there’s always room for improvement.

1. Your freezers.

I know some basic physics. I’m not a scientist, but I know that cool (or cold) air is heavier than warm (or hot) air. I also understand that your freezers are based heavily on this principle. That’s why they’re open at the top for easy access, yet manage to maintain a cold atmosphere inside of them.

However, the limit between warm and cold air in the freezers is not an exact one. You should look into this.

I grow weary of buying frozen goods only to come home and discover that they’ve been thawed and refrozen a number of times. Why does this happen? Because you stack the goods so high in the freezers that they reach up into the warm air. Later the goods get shuffled around and refrozen. It is not unheard of that this happens a number of times and I don’t like it. Not only is it of dubious sanitary value to buy food that has been treated like this, it’s also incredibly annoying to buy a bag of assorted vegetables and finding that they’ve been refrozen into a solid lump. Or buy hamburger patties that have been fused into a large beef-blob.

So, let me suggest this: Put some goddamn lids on your goddamn freezers!

2. Your bags.

I generally buy (only in Sweden!) plastic bags but this applies to a minor extent to your paper-bags as well.

Please redesign them. They’ve looked the same for at least 30-40 years and I assure you that they were not perfectly designed from the start. The plastic bags used to transport groceries are in fact one of the most under-engineered items that I have to contend with in my life. Discard the damn things and do it right.

Here’s what’s wrong. Your bags are soft and generally act as if they are one of these shapes:

I know they’re not actually these shapes, but they might as well be. I’m getting tired of coming home and finding that bread has been squished, vegetables have been knocked around and other soft groceries look like someone has sat on them.

And finally, my third complaint, and I know this has the makings of a bigtime asshole-attitude from me but I don’t care.

3. Your employees.

I’m getting a bit tired of your snooty personnel. I think they’re confusing working at Coop with being the Maître d’ at a four-star restaurant. 9 out of 10 times when I seek some service I get some punk on a powertrip who yaps at me that he’s too busy to help me. Or, I get some high and dry piece of toast who treats me as if I came straight from the leper colony.

Now, I know you don’t exactly pay them a lot of money to work there. In fact, I would assume that employment at Coop is like some messed-up semi-voluntary slavery where you get shitty pay rather than regular beatings. But it would be nice if I occasionally got some decent service. I don’t expet to have my ass kissed as if I was a visiting dignitary from a richer and wealthier nation but it would be nice to actually be pointed in the right direction when I ask for something.

If you only have time to fix two annoyances, lay your energy on the bags and the freezers. I can accept crappy service since I usually manage without bothering your employees.

License

This work is published under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Sweden License.