Sometimes I try, but I almost immediately give up. A resounding feeling of “what’s the point of it anyways?”

That’s the feeling I’m fighting. That feeling of futility. Why should I write about personal stuff because who gives two shits about what goes on in my life? Most of the people I keep up to date with get it through the phone, facebok or whatever no matter what I write here.

But at the same time I know it’s good for me. The bolts have almost rusted solid since it’s been ages since my last confession, and I need to start writing again and lubing up the old machinery. Loosen the nuts and bolts, get things going again. Start writing honestly about stuff that makes me happy, stuff that bothers me, stuff in my life.

Only need to find a little energy and a little motivation for it.

Why do I keep these boxen? Because they’re sturdy and great for keeping stuff in.

This is one of the oldest characteristics in who I am, and it’s been a part of me virtually as long as I’ve been aware of the concept of politics.

Sometimes I wish that I could be ignorant and naive and believe the hogwash that politicians tell us. Sometimes I wish that I could stop thinking, and stop seeing how hollow their promises are. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance and bliss that might come with it.

But I can’t. I lost faith in politics and the people involved with it long time ago, and for each year that passes this lack of faith gets stronger.

When I went to school we were taught about democracy and parlamentarism. That the power wielded by politicians were given to them by us, the people. That this power was wielded to promote the happiness and security of the common man. That politicians worked for us, and to further to goals of peace, prosperity and safety.

Sadly this turned out to be a lie. Today the common people exist simply to promote politicians. Politicians who have long since become corrupt and lost touch with why the got into this system in the first place. Politicians who’ve become almost autocratic, and who feel that they’re above the rules. Politics have become draconian systems to keep the common man in place, and our elected politicians are ignoring our opinions in order to further their own hidden agendas. The saddest thing is that we’ve become to complacent that we stop caring, and every time there’s an election we listen to the lies and we vote in another bunch of crooks.

My own lack of faith in politics and the lack of goodness in people involved with it saddens me. But it’s nothing compared to the sadness I feel when I see how badly they country is managed, and how unabashedly the lies are thrown in our faces these last few weeks before election.

Det jobbigaste är att jag inte orkar skriva om hur jag mår, för det känns för stort, och för att jag inte längre känner att jag har orden eller orken att skriva om det samt (och det här är nästan värst av allt) att jag inte längre känner att jag litar på min egen blogg.

Det är knappt jag orkar prata om det heller, för den delen. Jag skulle behöva nån som tog hand om mitt liv åt mig, medan jag återhämtade min styrka.

Efter nio år känns det bara så tröstlöst…

Det var smärtsamt, men skönt att få bollen i rullning.

Känns bra. I början var jag faktiskt lite osäker på om jag skulle trivas, men det precis som alla andra ställen jag har bott på under mitt vuxna liv har det bara tagit lite tid innan det blivit ett hem för mig. Tveklöst är det här också det finaste hemmet jag bott i sedan jag flyttade hemifrån, även om den förra lägenheten också var fin så var den inte riktigt “mig”.

Jag hoppas fler vänner hälsar på mig under hösten bara

Quite lovely.

Möte imorgon med AF. Ska prata med Hans om taktik och upplägg innan han går på semester. Från djupaste dalgången upp till normalnivå. Ska göra en checklista med saker jag måste göra dock.